How to Talk to the Dying

"A friend loves at all times"

Proverbs 17:17a

So, you have a friend who is terminal or dying (same thing really, one’s just longer) what do you say?

You don't need to have any answers.

Photo "Friends" property of IamShellyKelly.com



If you're not terminal or dying of the same thing, with the same surrounding circumstances, don't say "I understand" because, frankly, you don't. 

You can say you’re sorry; so is your friend.

You don't have to be superhuman.  You can cry (if you have to).

Be yourself.  Be the same friend you've always been.

Talk about the same nonsense you've always talked about. Talk about yourself if that's all you can think of.

Your friend just needs you to be a friend.

Your friend needs things to be as normal as possible.

I promise, no matter how boring you are, your friend will never think “I’d rather be dead than to hear this.”

 

Photo credit Peter Griffin

If you are sick, dying, or close to someone who is sick or dying.  Be prepared to lose touch with most of your friends because they are uncomfortable, scared, or don't know what to say.

 

"Dying is lonely, and I'm not even dead yet!"  -Michael Filer

 

 

Photo courtesy Aaron Cole, CrossFit714

Whatever you say, don't tell your friend or their family "this will only make you stronger", that's just stupid!  That's what you say to someone during a grueling workout.

 

Love, those you love, well.

 

"Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that had come upon him, they came each from his own place, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. They made an appointment together to come to show him sympathy and comfort him."
Job 2:11

The greatest thing you can do for your friend is be there for him and be on your knees in prayer for him!  Being a good friend means setting your own comfort aside and doing what is best for your friend...what you would want done for you.

Blessings,

 

Finding a Job IS a Job!

Well, it's that time!  Time to find a job.  (I need to be prepared to take care of my son and myself when the time comes.)  I've been on the hunt now for about 5 weeks.  I have sent out more than 68 resumes in response to ads and I have applied on-line for another dozen positions.

I've learned that most available jobs are newly created (that sounds promising for our economy); so, they aren't URGENT to be filled.  Employers are receiving 100+ responses to ads.  Prospective employees are not reading ads carefully. Pay is NOT what it used to be.  Employers are actually looking for employees who are over qualified, who need little to no training.

I've also learned that finding a job is, in itself, a job.

Personalizing each submission is time consuming, but worth it!

I have been told to expect 3 responses for every 100 resumes submitted.  I have had 2-3 interviews per week; so, I must be doing something right.  I was told, by one perspective employer, that he has received over 100 responses to his Craigslist ad and that I was the only one who followed his instructions.  I was told by another perspective employer that high-end-computer skills are very desirable as most applicants overstate their abilities.

If you get a response, Google the company, Google the person who called you, Google the owners to see how many businesses they have started or are a principal in.  I have also searched perspective employers on Facebook.  All of these things give you a good perspective on the stability of the company and the ethics/personality of those you could be working with.  Plus, they are impressed that your research skills are good enough to find out about the company!  Keep your resume short but include your salary history and your references...be a one-stop-shop, if you provide all of the information up front they're less likely to pass you by (for someone who has laid it all out.)

That's what I've learned, so far!

I'm expecting multiple offers within the week; I know which one I'm praying for, and so does God!

Happy Mothers' Day... Better Late Than Never!

My son wrote me the most memorable poem for Mothers' Day.  I found it in his backpack this morning before school.  At first glance, it may seem lazy or childish but as I read it, and re-read it, it's honesty and sincerity show through and warms my heart.  This is how I first read it:

My Mom is My Mom

My mom is my mom.

She works.

She likes me.

She looks like my mom.

She sounds like my mom.

She smells like my mom.

She always will love me.

My mom is cool.

After putting myself in my son's shoes, thinking about how I feel as a mom, and also thinking about how I felt about my own mom when I was a little girl, this is what I hope he meant:

My Mom is My Mom

My mom is MY mom.

She works tirelessly to protect me, to nurture me, to teach me, to make sure my every need is met, to equip me not only for today but for the days to come, to give me every advantage possible, and to give me the desires of my heart.

She likes me, even when I'm bein' a stinker. The volume of her voice may be loud but I can still hear the love in it and sometime I can even hear her chuckle as I go to my time-out because she knows that my antics are part of my growing into an independent grown up or maybe because my sneakiness was supremely creative and cleaver.

She looks like my mom.  She's the one with the tear in her eye when I'm sad.  She's the one shining with pride when I succeed.  She's the one who's arms are open when I'm in need.  She's the one who can tell me just how she feels with just a glance and only I understand.  She's the one who gets down and dirty cleaning for, playing with, and caring for me.  She's the one with the flowers in her hair, because she knows people judge looks and she wants them to accept ME!

She sounds like my mom. Hers is the voice that read the Bible and the dictionary to me before I could even speak.  Hers is the voice that has told me, since the day I was born "You can be anything you want to be" and "I love you" and meant it. Hers is the voice that sings. Hers is the voice that yells to get my attention for important life lessons or for my protection.  Hers is the voice I can hear in a crowd, or when I'm far off playing.  Hers is the voice I always answer.

She smells like my mom. She smells like breakfast, lunch, dinner, the garden, cleaners, and love (because she says that love's the main ingredient in everything she does for me).

She will always love me.  I am secure in knowing that there is nothing I can ever do to make my mom stop loving me.  She might disapprove of some things I do or choose, but she loves me (to infinity and beyond!)

My mom is cool.  (Well, after all of that...of course she's COOL!)

 

One CAN hope...right!

Happy belated Mothers' Day dear mamas!

Stay "COOL"!

Happy Birthday Boy!

Happy 7th Birthday to my special, sweet, weird, beautiful, kind, loving, smart amazing boy!  You are SO loved!  I'm honored that God chose me to be your mama!  You remind me how blessed I am, every day and you fill our home with energy, wonder, laughter, and life!  I wrote this for you when you were only a few days old, and it is still my prayer for you.

 I love you Hun Bun! Love, Mama!

What to do first?

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.

2 Corinthians 1:3

Now that my husband needs as much comfort and TLC as possible (read about him here), I need to rethink EVERYTHING!  So, I broke down and got him a recliner.

YES, I said recliner! R-E-C-L-I-N-E-R!  I found it on craigslist for $40 and it is the ugliest, most dated, funny thing I've ever bought for my house...I love it!!!  It's so ugly...it's cool!  So this living room inspiration is OUT and my orange chairs are only a memory1

The "Green Beast"!

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.

1 Peter 3:8

Here it is! It's an ugly "Green beast", and it has a floral pattern embossed into the vinyl (it doesn't show well in this pic, but I'm sure you can imagine!) Oh, and it vibrates, massages, and has a built-in heater! Yes, yes it does!

Just wait 'til you see the magic I can work around the "Green Beast"

Here, below, are some of the fabrics that I've assembled to choose from.  (It's always nice to see my friends at Dorell!)

Don't wait until a loved one is ill!  Be a comfort to all those around you, now!  Put the comfort of others before your desire to be stylish.  My husband should have had a recliner all along. It's really not about having the most beautiful home, it's about having a beautiful heart and a welcoming home. Comfort, compassion, hospitality...they come from the heart and are made all the more  meaningful when God is invited to the party!

This is going to be fun!    

Blessings!                        



Here's a bonus,

some before & afters of some chairs I did for a client.

Enjoy!

before

after

after

before

after

BLESSED BY CANCER???

WHY I HAVEN'T BLOGGED IN A WHILE!

My husband as "The Bird Dude"
before we were an item!

I remember moving into my first apartment. It was definitely where God wanted me to be. I moved in with a bed, a dresser, a drafting table, and a TV. God provided the rest. I lived in that little “Melrose Place” type complex for over 11 years. During those years, I learned and grew so much. I also remember meeting the goofy “old man” who lived next door to me. I remember how he used to bring me gifts from his vacations, and he used to tap on my window to say “hi” to my cat when he passed by. I remember he was the BBQ master at our complex’s epic 4^th of July celebrations. He was the guy with birds on his shoulders who would sit outside his upstairs apartment to watch the breeze move through the weeping willow. He was a friendly, kind, laid-back DUDE. Never, in my wildest dreams, would I have believed that that goofy guy, that sweet man, that guy’s guy, that dude would become the love of my life, my husband, the father of my child, my partner, and my friend, but he did!



One of my favorite pictures of my husband
from our wedding day.
This is just before the ceremony!

My two guys meet!Husband at the birth of our son, holding him for the first time!

One night, while watching a movie, I felt like he wanted to “make a move on me,” and I remember excusing myself with, “Well, I’m really tired. I’ve gotta go,” and scurrying as fast as I could back to the safety of my own apartment. I also remember thinking about him that night and realizing how fantastic he was. “WAIT!” I said to myself! “He’s friendly, kind, single, straight, cute, and he has really liked me for a long time!” So, after 10 years, we were an “item.” Within three months, we were engaged. And the next year we were married.

After marriage, I not only drew closer to my husband but I also drew closer to my first love … God. I have known God since I was born, and had accepted Jesus very early on, but had been walking in the flesh for a while. Now that I was married, I felt that that one-continuing-sin wasn’t keeping me from God anymore (if you know what I mean!?!). I reached out for His hand and knew He had never left my side. That’s one of His beauties! He sees us in the midst of our sin and still loves us! My husband had his own ideas about God, good works, and salvation. I was steadfast in my prayers for him and I tried to be the wife God called me to be.

With our son, playing!  A hands-on-dad,
full of love and very involved.

I, for a variety of theological reasons, left the church I had been a member of for the past 10 years. Then, I happened to be discussing something totally non-consequential with a mama from my son’s school. She casually mentioned her pastor (because he lives across the street from her, has five kids, and those kids playing with her kids had something to do with what we were discussing). I latched on to the “my pastor” comment! I had been looking for a new church that was “just right” for me! I had been a dissatisfied Goldilocks with many churches and was looking, no, I was yearning for a new home. She told me all about her church. I went the next Sunday! I knew right away that this church was my new home! I attended for a few weeks, with my son, and then my husband came with us. He liked it! YES! He kept coming back! YES!

Over the course of the next year, I could see how seriously God was wooing my husband. I pointed out God’s presence and work in his life when I saw it, prayed for him, continued to strive to be a godly wife, spoke praises and prayer requests about him to my small group, and prayed, prayed, prayed! He was clearly getting SO close to accepting Jesus as his personal savior; then the news came! On January 19^th, my darling husband was diagnosed with metastasized kidney cancer … out of the blue! He had no symptoms at all! I had taken him to the ER on the 16^th for a blood clot in his leg; they had put him on blood thinners. I took him to the ER on the morning of the 19^th because he was bleeding from the blood thinner … we thought. We had no idea that a 13 cm kidney tumor was causing the bleeding.

Our God is SO awesome! He immediately snatched us up into His loving arms and carried us! He was our strength. Know that I am an overly-emotional, hypersensitive person and am over blessed with empathy and strong “emotions”! I should have been a blithering pile, but I was standing! It was God! My husband tends toward depression and withdrawal, but he was standing! It was God! His strength held us up!

God not only used this diagnosis for His glory, but my husband accepted Jesus. And when we look at our lives, it’s clear that God was preparing us for this. He placed me in a church that my husband felt comfortable with. He gave us a pastor who is accessible and down to earth, one that my husband can relate to. He allowed my husband to be laid off from his job so that he could get another that provides insurance. He gave my pastor’s wife and I too much in common so that she could be an encouragement to me. He had our son come to me, out of the blue, about a month before the diagnosis and ask me to explain cancer to him. He also put me in a beautifully supportive women’s group where we did a study on blessings. Our final lesson for the blessings study was to write a blessing, share it with the group, and then share it with our loved one. All of the other gals, wrote a blessing for their child; I wrote one for my husband. What a gift that was, not only for him, but for me as well! The next morning we were given the news! And without the blood clot, we would have never found the tumor. There is SO much more! This is just the tip of it all! Our God is awesome! He knew this was coming! He is faithful! He prepared us!

We were overwhelmed by the news and then we were overwhelmed by the beauty of our God and the friends, family, and strangers He put into our lives! The outpouring of offers has been amazing! Not only have people loved on us, but they have offered powerful prayers, food, time, money, advice, to pay for some treatments, and one beautiful sister even offered us a kidney!

This is just a part of the journey I have traveled, and will continue to travel, with my God and my husband! Although kidney cancer is not medically curable, I know that if it is His will, God can heal my husband. I also know that His will is perfect and good … I have no fear! My husband is not afraid either! The doctors have given my husband a year or two, but only God knows the number of his days; so, we will leave it to God and thank Him for every day and every moment, and know that whatever may come He will carry us through it!

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. ~2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Love the ones you love well!

Blessings,

How to hang your kid's... ART!

We all love our kid's art and want to share
their little masterpieces with the world...right!

There are lot's of options when choosing to hang kids
art, which go WAY beyond the magnet on the fridge.

My sweet son wrote a song on the back of a manilla
envelope.  It has great importance and a sence of
antiquity when placed in an detailed gold frame with
some nice wide matting.

The envelope was already torn and was a little dirty
from going through the mail, but no worries; it just
adds to the charm!




Here we have a series of little pages, a book if you will.  I couldn't resist.  I unbound the book and placed the series in a simple frame.  I like that he used different colored paper, it makes for a little punch at the end.

Here's a creative way to display your child's treasured masterpieces!  This is from Amy Bayliss over at Cajun Joie De Vivre.  I love the simplicity of utilitarian objects and these pant hangers sure fit the bill.  Plus, this tecnique is flexible, as you can change the art on a regular basis.


And here's another idea from Cajun Joie De Vivre.

Another simple arangement, this time with poster frames.  Amy Bayliss says that these type of frames are oversized and perfect for those large kindgarten pieces that are so adorable.






I like to go to flea markets and estate sales where there is never a shortage of inexpensive frames.

Why not paint them in chic colors (ala skittles).

I think these make great conversation pieces themselves, but with some humor they are even more wonderful.

Whimsy at it's best!

(I LOVE this version of American Gothic!  The look she's giving him is absolutely priceless!)







And then there's always that mighty statement piece!  If you think it looks like a modern masterpiece...

frame it like it is one!

Bottom line: enjoy your kid's, make them feel as special as they are, and celebrate their lives & accomplishments (even if that's with magnets on the fridge!)

Blessings,